How to be a modern sneaker collector 101

Welcome to how to be a modern sneaker collector, I am your host MZ3 (applause).

Lets get right to it.

First you have to decide if you want to be a collector. This is very easy. Just look around at the people near you and see if they are "collectors". You will be able to tell because they are more then likely making fun of the other around them who do not have the latest sneakers on.

Second, you will need money. This can be obtained in a variety of ways. You can ask your parents. Ask your girlfrined/wife. Rob a bank. Sell a kidney to science. Ask your kids. Get a job. The last one is only for extreme cases.

Third, come to think of it, eBay. Long gone are the days of actually working to have a collection. Getting up on Wednesday morning and hitting the stores to see if anything new came in. Working contacts all over at multiple stores. Driving from spot to spot, spending time actually looking for the newest kicks. All of that has been eliminated. Just hop on eBay and spend, spend, spend.

Forth, wait about a week. You need this time to have all those great shoes shipped to you from varies places.

Fifth, jump online and post pictures of you sneakers. Be sure to postwhore all over which ever site or sites you join. Make sure everyone there understands you are a "collector". Tell them you have only been doing this for a week and show them you over the top collection.

Sixth, show off your new shoes everywhere you go. Make sure no one goes without noticing your impressive footwear. Everyone must see them no matter what. If you have to do cartwheels to get people to notice them, cartwheel away!!!

Last, but not least, stay away from the real collectors. They will see through you in a heartbeat and probably step on your Yezzy's. You will be able to spot real collectors by the way they don't care if people are looking at their shoes or not. Their shoes will be dirty, because they actually wear them about. Avoid them at all costs. Don't make eye contact, don't confront them. They are more then likely older then you and probably know some form of martial arts.


If you follow these easy steps, you to can be a modern sneaker collector in no time flat.


Void where ever this can be read.